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  • #472636

    Stinky
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    Yesterday.
    A Tuesday, might buy a lottery ticket and chance my luck.
    Senior Management is in Blighty and I have a written in blood, list of ‘JOBS TO DO’.
    All starts well, my intentions falling in line with orders.
    So far so good, and I picture my Brownie Points mounting.
    And Jerome arrives.
    Blood, mud and poo decorating his shirt, face and pretty much everything within a metre of him.
    The vet is elsewhere, he is on his own and I must help.
    His phone is in the midst of something gloopy so he has had to come for me.
    Hermione is having a bad birth, a breech by the sound of it.
    And I am to get the biting end again.
    But we also have a two year old with colic.
    Extreme constipation.
    That will kill if not sorted.
    And he is in pain.
    Hermione can wait a few minutes, the colt is in dire straits.
    His head level with mine, and pain obvious to the blind, I talk to him.
    So afraid, in agony, I have a brown eye inches from mine.
    Do not bite me, please.
    15 litres is quite heavy, and it is liquid parafin.
    His owner has been lazy, just feeding him pellets.
    And not enough water.
    And so a tube is down his throat and I tip the parafin in, Jerome has a finger in his nostril to hold his head still(ish).
    Hermione.
    Velvet skin is pressed to my forehead.
    Panting and sweating, but I feel no threat from her.
    Help me.
    I am talking crappy french to a large girl, stroking her face, scratching her chin.
    And Jerome is armpit deep in her rear end, eyes closed and desperately trying to turn the unborn foal.
    Anticlockwise is the way, strength and courage are equally needed.
    A kick from her will maim.
    Back legs cannot be tethered as she needs to move.
    Come on girl, help him.
    And the colt is screaming.
    Jesus God, I have never heard anything like it.
    He is shredding the very air.
    Jerome has the foals foot and is pulling.
    I have the colt.
    I have never been so afraid in my entire life.
    I have no control.
    Everybody is bigger than me.
    Backing the colt into the corner, I tie his head and am back to Hermione and Jerome.
    He has the foal.
    Hermione is eye to eye with me and gasping.
    Sort it girl, sort it, just don’t bite me.
    And a grunt from Jerome.
    And a bloody sac of foal flattens him.
    And Hermione now regards me as redundant.
    Chuckling at her baby.
    Sac torn, foal is snuffled.
    And life marches on.
    The colt is still whinging.
    Jerome takes his halter and looses his head to turn him, I push his haunches to move him.
    And his rear end erupts.
    Tail in the air and Vesuvias has nothing on this.
    And I am in the way.
    Night all.

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    #472639

    Marmite
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    Poor stinky..they are so lucky to have you.

    the horses….and the owners.

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    #472642

    tigre
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    Tears and laughter reading that, Stinky, thank goodness all ended well.  Don’t forget to check your washing machine filter after the next wash, as it could negate any brownie points you might earn!

    Beautifully written as always.

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    #472658

    Fruitcake
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    Oh Stinks I do love sharing your experiences and how you write of them, even though some are rife with worry and fear, thank goodness you are there for Jerome and he and you are both there for those lucky animals, thank goodness also that all ended well. (I’m sure you will get extra Brownie points just for caring, regardless of if you fall short on the list)

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    #472732

    Vegemite Kid
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    The words ‘stinky’ and ‘brownie points’ have just taken on a whole new meaning.

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    #472745

    Fruitcake
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    I hope you’re not lowering the tone VK :whistle:

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    #472986

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    Well done stinky , seems you have “mastered” the rural life? :-)

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    #473059

    Stinky
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    Update.
    The foal is a perky filly, hiding behind Mum one moment, then a quick foray to see what is going on before skittering back for a comfort feed.
    Hermione is a happy Bunny, not as calm as Jonquilles, but still allowing us access to the little one.
    The foal has white socks on three legs.
    So will not be a jumper, the white skin is tender and so easily injured.
    Sun burn is a problem for white skin also.
    We shall see.
    The colt is fine and could poo for England.
    The farmer owner is another matter.
    Horses need to graze for 16 hours a day.
    They are designed and built that way.
    If you change that regime you must be careful.
    Slinging a bucket or two of horse feed, no matter its’ quality will bugger everything up.
    Water ratio to food is all in a horse diet.
    Picture several five course meals without a single glass of Merlot and you have it.
    The food highway has a jam.
    I do not know the farmers name.
    But I like him not.
    Renting a stable and paddock he chooses to tend to his horse.
    But does not.
    He turns up to see his foal.
    Jerome is explaining, but the farmer is dismissive.
    Jerome is angry but ignored.
    I faced that colt.
    I saw from inches its’ pain.
    I cried for it.
    And wore its’ shit.
    And the Devil takes over.
    He has done so before and no doubt will do it again.
    Halter is already on the colt and so we go.
    To stunned silence followed by vociferous outrage.
    The colt and I walk placidly the few hundred metres to my house.
    Inside my courtyard he happily has a chew on SM’s borders.
    I will deal with that little problem later.
    The gate is closed and I will not allow the farmer in.
    The conversation between he and Jerome is fairly animated.
    Mobile phone and we have two Gendarmes.
    If the farmer waves his arms anymore he will take off.
    Outside of cartoons I have never seen anybody’s face that colour.
    This is now hilarious.
    The farmer is screaming at the Gendarmes who are patiently trying to ask me questions that Jerome has to translate.
    I say that he can have his horse if he promises to care for it.
    I do not have many neighbours but all four of them are here now, and a passing car, all agog.
    Jerome has told the Gendarmes of the problem we had with the foal.
    One Gendarme comes in to talk to me.
    Google translate is not going to cut it here.
    The farmer has pushed the Gendarme and barrelled through my gate.
    He is in my courtyard now getting physical with the Gendarmes.
    And the Devil is back.
    How I am going to explain the horseshoe marks on my floorboards.
    But my door is shut and they can get on with it.
    Shushing noises to the colt, praying he won’t poo, I turn and my cat is just stunned. Not even growling.
    Just stunned.
    Sorry Bijou.
    The farmer is cuffed in the Gendarmes van.
    A polite knock on the door.
    ‘We are going’.
    ‘I expect that the horse will sleep at the stables tonight?’
    A look to Jerome for translation and a nod.
    Half a head taller than me, hard as nails and a handshake to meld your fingers into one.
    The Gendarme looks at the horse in my hand in my kitchen and shakes his head.
    I have to take the colt back now.
    And he means now.
    Jerome smiles and says that they like me.
    I am just happy to not have horse poo in my kitchen.
    The farmer we will just have to deal with tomorrow.
    The foal, I have nicknamed Trouble.
    And it is a cold wind going back to the farm.

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    #473068

    Vegemite Kid
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    I can just hear the gendarme’s thoughts. The next update should be interesting, well done, Stinky.

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    #473069

    Marmite
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    We stand with you stinky.

    glad trouble didn’t move his bowels.

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    #473080

    Fruitcake
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    Well done Stinks! Good for you standing up to a bully and for that colt, bless him! Good will overcome evil, that farmer sounds evil and you are such a good man, you will win the day for that colt and he is so lucky to have you as his saviour! He was obviously grateful enough to not ‘let go’ in your house!

    I’m so pleased the gendarmes realised who was the villain and who wasn’t!

    We wait with bated breath for the next instalment. :rose: :heart:

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    #473087

    Babeth
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    Bravo ! :heart:

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    #473089

    Witchy Poo
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    Well done Stinky!  It’s completely normal to hide a horse in your kitchen , don’t let anyone, cat included, tell you any different.

    The line in the first post, “Everbody is bigger than me” said so much :rose:

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    #473090

    tigre
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    It’s a shame there isn’t the equivalent of the RSPCA in France, an organization that can step in quickly and rescue an animal, prosecute the owner and protect the person(s) that report the abuse.

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    #473112

    Stinky
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    For horses and donkeys there is Tigre.
    Jerome has filed an official complaint to the Haras Nationaux, they oversee the regulations and administrations of breeding in France.
    They will automatically force disclosure of any previous complaints and or convictions against the farmer.
    They have the power to revoke instantly his breeders licence, which would automatically stop him transporting any of his horses by himself.
    They cannot stop him owning horses, but losing his breeders licence would hit him hard financially.
    The first contact from the Haras will most likely shake him up and so make him treat his animals better.
    I hope so.

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    #473120

    Blue velvet
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    My goodness Stinks youve had a few adventures , I think you deserve lots of the Merlot !  Well done ! More for the ‘Book’  one day ! I hope you had use of the kitchen floor mop ? He he! :rose:

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    #473148

    tigre
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    That’s reassuring, Stinky, to knowabout the Haras Nationaux, I still think France needs the equivalent of the RSPCA that have inspectors that can come out fairly quickly if animal abuse is reported, they also have the right to enter private property and  remove the animal if they’re not happy with the way the animal is being kept/treated and of course the public that grass on these b*stards have the reassurance of anonymity.

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    #473181

    Vegemite Kid
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    But apart from all that exciting stuff, how is the ‘JOBS TO DO’ list getting on, and when does SM get back?

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    #473185

    Stinky
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    Umm, some of it done, list of excuses being composed but I have about 10 days to sort it.

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    #473188

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    Don’t know if you’ve seen it on FB, Stinky, but Jerome might smile at some of the content of the clip below.

    Horses!

    This is my kind of rodeo! 💕🐴💕

    Posted by Try Not to Laugh on Friday, April 26, 2019

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    #473193

    Stinky
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    Ta Vk. He is here with friends for supper tomorrow.
    I will show it then.
    Love it when she says ,he is smiling.
    He’s not, he is smelling her.
    A horse can only breathe through it’s nostrils.
    In the mouth is a huge olfactory sensation area.
    Suck a mouthful of air in and smell/taste it.
    He is checking out her pheromes.
    Good job she knows not what he is thinking.

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    #473236

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    Don’t know if you’ve seen it on FB, Stinky, but Jerome might smile at some of the content of the clip below.

    Hi VK , I tried to open this clip twice yesterday , and received a message saying that I wasn’t allowed to open it . This morning I received two French scam mails , one of which ( all in French) told me that my computer had been hacked ,they had made a video via my webcam of me watching porn and that if I didn’t send them €540 in bit coin they would send the video to all in my address book,  including my parents. :-)  I had to laugh , I don’t watch porn,don’t have a webcam and have a macbook ( and of course my parents have no mail address) . I thought about answering the mail saying that when I found out who they were , I would send a couple of gentlemen round to break their legs , but decided it wasn’t worth it. My point is that the video was the only thing I opened yesterday and maybe there is something attached?

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    #473238

    Marmite
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    Friends of mine were hacked yesterday ,nothing to do with this site…seems to be rife.

    opening anything is fraught with danger!

    hope stinky is ok…what a nasty state of affairs…cruelty to animals is unforgivable…please keep us posted stinky.

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    #473242

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    Just to validate  my post . I didn’t open the video ( it said I wasn’t allowed) and my computer has not been hacked , they ( whoever they are ) are trying it on , just to get a panic reaction and a payment . :yes:

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    #473246

    Vegemite Kid
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    My computer is sluggish and the video takes a good 15 seconds to open and afterwards I just click on the Play arrow.

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    #473252

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    Must have been my mac not trusting the video , or was the video on facebook ?  If so then it won’t open for me anyway . :-)

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    #473255

    Babeth
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    I received this mail too at work, about me watching porn, and so my manager ! We had a good laugh !

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    #473263

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    Thank goodness it’s not just me ” watching porn ”  Babeth!!

    Sorry VK , obviously not your horsey video then. :-)

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    #473679

    Stinky
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    Update.
    The Gendarmes have been back to see me.
    Bringing Jerome from his farm to make sure that I know that I am trouble.
    The farmer has said that I stole his horse and that Jerome and I have caused damage to the two year old, limiting it’s selling price.
    The big Gendarme with the crushing grip is polite but is just looking at me.
    The other is reading from a phone/tablet.
    Jerome is grey faced and translating.
    I have stolen a horse.
    Transported it on public roads with no permission, no licence and no insurance.
    The colt’s chip is in the name of the farmer, not mine and so I cannot do what I did.
    The penalty for horse theft in France is not good.
    It is custodial.
    Not sure how I will explain this to Helen.
    The big Gendarme asks me why I did it, my reply is a hands up shrug.
    The two Gendarmes and Jerome are talking at double speed, too fast for me and so I ask.
    What?
    The hand crusher says his name is Jean Paul and his mate is Alain.
    They and Jerome are smiling.
    Actually Jerome is giggling.
    Apparently the farmer is a right royal pain, upsetting neighbours and so using up lots of Gendarme time.
    In my courtyard he actually thumped Alain, which meant that Alain could be fairly robust in arresting him.
    Alain said that he was able to give the farmer quite a good close up view of the van door.
    And wants to see where I stood in my kitchen with the colt.
    You will be happy to know tigre that the Haras are already involved.
    Of all the French bureaucracy, these people do move fast.
    Jean Paul is talking.
    The farmer has been threatened by the Haras.
    And by Alain, who he assaulted.
    Which could result in lots of bother for belting a Gendarme.
    And apparently, to keep the peace….
    I now own a two year old called Trouble.
    Pick the bones out of that!!!

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    #473689

    Babeth
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    What a story Stinky !!! I’m sure after all these emotions, you do need a drink. I would !

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