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This topic contains 14 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by  John P 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #476757

    Angela
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    OH & I are having a ‘discussion’.  We get invited to BBQs, dinners etc and he gets embarrassed because I will not make any food & I will not help to wash up etc.  If I am invited to some ones for food I expect to relax for the evening.  When they come to me I don’t allow them to bring a dish or clear up.  I might add I was the same in UK.  They are always invited back to us and I will not allow them to do anything.

    Your thoughts?

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    #476775

    Lipstick
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    I have an aunt who thinks the same Angela. I do see where you are coming from.

    Personally I DO usually take along some edible contribution if its a BBQ or buffet but not if its a more formal dinner, when I just take a drinkable contribution,  and I help to tidy away too. :-)

    Its usually some kind of dessert that I take along unless its a ‘sharing meal’ where everybody takes a different dish. Then I usually do a ‘mains’ dish.

    Lippy

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    #476776

    Pete James
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    I always help to clear up etc, just the way i’ve been brought up I suppose.

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    #476777

    Babeth
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    I always ask what I can take, and if the answer is nothing, we always take a bottle of wine, or nice chocolates for the coffee. Will always help to clear up too. But do insist when I’ve got a guest to sit down and relax, except if we’ve got secrets to share in the kitchen with my best friend ;-)

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    #476828

    tournesol
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    Personally, I always ask if they want me to make/take anything, sometimes it’s yes, sometimes no, but always take a bottle of wine and flowers. When there, I will ask if there’s anything they want a hand with and will help clear the decks and was up automatically, unless there’s a rush from others. ;-) When I invite folk over, then I do the lot with pleasure, if someone really insists that they’d like to bring something, then I may say a simple dessert. As far as help with any prep beforehand, I prefer to just get on with everything, as I know what and where things are, it’s quicker. After, if some offer to help, I’ll happily accept washer uppers and deck clearers. Then we can all sit back with a glass  and relax.

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    #476830

    koat
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    i mostly bring something small but not homemade food unless asked in advance: usually a posy of flowers from the garden, sometimes potted bulbs from supermarket, a small bottle of homemade aperitif or something I see that I think they’d like. if nothing else a bottle wine. i do occasionally offer to help clearing/washing up, if they look overwhelmed! if people come to us it’s nice (but not expected) if they bring something (usually wine though sometimes more interesting things) as have food covered (unless arranged beforehand) and don’t expect anyone to wash up, although some do :yahoo:

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    #476831

    tigre
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    Agree with all the above, I think often the hardest work is the preparation etc, so a helping hand to clear up is a nice offer.

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    #476832

    Marmite
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    I find my French guests are very generous….Iwe always try and take something a bit unusual…i often buy old containers…at vide greniers…fill them with lidl roses.

    as for helping…I tend to go along with the I,m invited…so stay out of kitchen,.

    i,m one who likes to keep organised when I,m the hostess ,so I prefer no help.

    family are different   Everyone helps.

     

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    #476854

    moi
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    Just be yourself.

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    #476864

    Fruitcake
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    When invited out I ask if I can bring anything, if the answer is no then I take flowers and wine, ask if any help needed but don’t insist if the answer is no, as I know that I prefer to keep guests seated when we have them and dump everything in the kitchen to deal with later, so that we all enjoy the gathering.

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    #476874

    Marmite
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    My brother in law insisted on carrying a tray of glasses to the kitchen…last week…yup…two fell off the tray…jumped off if he’s to be believed!

    i just like cleaning up myself…

     

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    #476886

    Deboer
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    OH & I are having a ‘discussion’.  We get invited to BBQs, dinners etc and he gets embarrassed because I will not make any food & I will not help to wash up etc.  If I am invited to some ones for food I expect to relax for the evening.  When they come to me I don’t allow them to bring a dish or clear up.  I might add I was the same in UK.  They are always invited back to us and I will not allow them to do anything.

    I agree with you Angela, if we invite people to eat and drink then why would they need to bring food and or drink ? Unless of course they don’t think you can cook or provide the alcohol ?

    We also dislike people ” helping ” washing up or whatever , if you are a guest , then that is what you are , unless you are Dutch of course ! :yahoo:

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    #477087

    Margaret Woodrow
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    If he is embarrassed by you not wanting to make a food contribution or help clear up there’s an easy answer – let him do it!!

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    #477089

    Marmite
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    This all depends on whether or not they are close friends…we have a group of French friends..some who still work…we often get together and with them …all of us help in one way or another…there’s one friend who loves doing the bits for apero…I love making desserts…it makes lunch simpler for the hostess.

    others that we know less well don’t want help with the meal…you cannot generalise.

    the pleasure of being together is just that,I,m quite happy to do it either way.

     

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    #477392

    John P
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    If I have a party I always do buffet style food with paper plates and the cutlery and glasses go in the dishwasher afterwards( that is the only time it gets used) I put any remaining food in the fridge and the next morning I finish re arranging furniture and sorting out empties etc. I find nearly everyone brings a bottle of something, usually wine and some bring a food contribution. I don’t expect my guests to help clearing up and I don’t help when I go to them. Gradually those who never bring anything and never invite me back get dropped off the invitation list. It all works itself out in the long run. :-)

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